A mother is admonishing her son.
Now, John, don't be selfish. Let your little brother share the bicycle with you.
But Mother, I do. I ride it down the hill, and he rides it up the hill.
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Going sleep soon...GL to all my friends..XD
Are you sure it doesnt scream, yell, or swear? asked the preacher.
Oh absolutely. Its a religious parrot, the storekeeper assures him.
Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lords prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm.
Wonderful! says the preacher, but what happens if you pull both strings?
I fall off my perch, you stupid fool! screeched the parrot.
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Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away. Another said, Yes, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry and in the attic. I’ve been had the place fumigated, and they still won’t go away. The third said, I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church...haven’t seen one back since! |
My cooking has always been the target of family jokes. One evening, as I prepared dinner a bit too quickly, the kitchen filled with smoke and the smoke detector went off. Although both of my children had received fire-safety training at school, they did not respond to the alarm. Annoyed, I stormed through the house in search of them.
I found them in the bathroom, washing their hands. Over the loud buzzing of the smoke alarm, I asked them to identify the sound.
It's the smoke detector, they replied in unison.
Do you know what that sound means? I demanded.
Sure, my oldest replied. Dinner's ready.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I nid go sleep liao byebye all my friends XD...
UPDATE ....XD
Professor Tom was going to meet his students on the next day,so he wrote some words on the blackboard which read as follows: Professor Tom will meet the class tomorrow.
A student, seeing his chance to display his sense of humor after reading the notice, walked up and erased the c in the word class. The Professor noticing the laughter, wheeled around, walked back, looked at the student, then at the notice with the c erased--calmly walked up and erased the l in lass, looked at the flabbergasted student and proceeded on his way....Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
XD....Happy Chinese New Year...
